You are probably right. It will be their get out of relationship card that they will use when they think the grass is greener elsewhere.

As for keeping people keen. It can backfire because people will also want their own escape route if their suspicions are confirmed.

I've certainly come up against the old "If you don't let me go through your emails you must have something to hide."

I've had that and the response was not repeatable on a reputable forum such as this. The person who said it is not missed.

So I imagine she would have of had no problem with you reading her diary then? After all; it's unhealthy to keep secrets in a relationship. I find it ironic that it's generally the women who complain the loudest when their trust is betrayed in such a way.

/misogyny

My girlfriend gets funny about me password-protecting my PCs, using robust passwords and clearing the cache before I let her use my laptop. I have nothing to hide per se, but my private e-mail account is exactly that - mine, and private. What's in there is for me and no-one else, and I'd go livid in the same way as if someone had opened my mail.

I know that she has tried hacking my password before, but I let it slide and warned her against it. TBH, if she succeeded and read my e-mail, as far as I'm concerned the relationship is over and I may even consider Police involvement - reading other people's e-mail is plain wrong (and illegal), whatever your motive or relationship to the victim.

I'm surprised people on here can say they're OK with it!?

The Computer Misuse Act 1990?

"unauthorised access to computer material, punishable by 6 months' imprisonment or a fine not exceeding £5000"

Well just make sure that you have a good reason to say no, like sorry I have confidential client email and could get sued if anyone saw it.

Hey!! Don't be tarring all us women with the same brush. I'm not of the ilk being described here

I have a great reason to say no. It's my email and none of anyone else's business regardless of the relationship. Trying that sort of emotional blackmail b!llsh!t to try to get to read it is

a) insulting to my intelligence
b) completely divisive and manipulative.

This is the essence of my response on the previous occasion I mentioned, just put more politely. I think it ended something along the lines of 'You either trust me, or you don't. If you don't, you're free to leave any time you like'. Anyone who is prepared to pull that sort of argument on you is probably not good for you in the long run anyway.

Jon

I would not like anyone reading my emails. The vast majority are certainly not worth worrying about, but I do not know what is in all my mail folders. i have thousands of emails in my folders, I certainly cannot remember what is in all of them. If someone were to use the emotional blackmail on me I would make a quick exit.

She's never asked and she knows she wouldn't get anywhere - all my emails are passworded up the kazoo.

Besides which, secrets are fine in relationships; it's lies that aren't.

That said, I had another amnesia episode last night - not fun. Brain damage is a bitch.

If he wanted to, my Mister could easily read my emails and I wouldn't mind at all. I tell him the contents of almost all my email anyway, it's never usually that interesting. If I wanted to I could probably read his email without any difficulty either, I don't know how he feels about it, but I just don't want to. I trust him to tell me stuff that he thinks I should or would want to know and that's good enough.

Equally I could read all his text messages if I wanted to, but I'm fairly sure most of them are from me and again, not interested, but I wouldn't mind if he read mine. I trust him completely and he trusts me too, neither one of us are insecure enough for it to even come up.

To be honest, the thing that got me about it wasn't that I had anything to hide - I didn't and I wouldn't have. It's the implication that she seemed to think I did.

Essentially, asking to read someone's personal correspondence -be it paper mail, email or say a diary - implies that you believe there IS something in there that the other person is trying to hide. As you say Zippy, in most relationships it won't actually come up as an issue. If you trust someone, you'd assume everything as OK and thus you'd have no reason to ask. The very fact of someone asking you implies they don't trust you any more. Which is much more corrosive to a relationship than keeping a secret.