On, 13 July 2011, tha Prime Minista done cooked up a statement ta tha Doggy Den of Commons up in these terms:

"In recent days, tha whole ghetto has been shocked by tha revelationz of tha phone jackin scandal. What dis ghetto-and tha House-has ta confront be a episode dat is, frankly, disgraceful: accusationz of widespread lawbreakin by partz of our press: alleged corruption by some five-o officers; and, as our crazy-ass asses gotz just discussed, tha failure of our polistical system over many, nuff [LIFTED] years ta tackle a problem dat has been gettin worse. Our thugged-out asses must at all times keep tha real suckas all up in tha front n' centre of dis debate. Relativez of em whoz ass took a dirt nap all up in tha handz of terrorism, war heroes n' cappin' suckas-gangstas whoz ass gotz already suffered up in a way dat our crazy-ass asses can barely imagine-have been done cooked up ta suffer all over again.

I believe dat our crazy-ass asses all want tha same stupid-ass thang: press, five-o n' suckas whoz ass serve tha public. Last night tha Deputy Prime Minista n' I kicked it wit tha Leader of tha Opposition. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I also kicked it wit tha Chairz of tha Culture, Media n' Sport Committee, tha Home Affairs Committee n' tha Justice Committee ta say [LIFTED] bout tha dopest way forward. Y'all KNOW dat [LIFTED], [LIFTED]! Peepin these consultations, I wanna set up todizzle how tha [LIFTED] our crazy-ass asses intend ta proceed: first, on tha hood inquiry; secondly, on tha issues surroundin [LIFTED] Internationizzle’s proposed takeover of BSkyB; n' thirdly, on ethics up in tha five-o steez n' itz relationshizzle wit tha press.

Before I do that, I will update tha Doggy Den on tha current criminal investigation tha [LIFTED] into phone hacking. I kicked it wit Sir Pizzle Stephenston last night yo. Dude assured mah crazy ass dat tha investigation is straight-up resourced. Y'all KNOW dat [LIFTED], [LIFTED]! It is one of tha phattest currently under way up in tha ghetto, n' is bein carried up by a cold-ass lil straight-up different crew from tha one dat carried up tha original gangsta investigation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It is bein led by Deputy Assistant Commissiona Sue Akers, whoz ass I believe impressed tha Home Affairs Committee yesterdizzle yo. Her crew is lookin all up in 11,000 pages containin 3,870 names, n' around 4,000 mobile n' 5,000 landline phone numbers. Da crew has contacted 170 gangstas so far, n' will contact every last [LIFTED] single thug named up in em documents. Da commissioner’s crib informed mah crazy ass dis mornin dat tha crew has so far done cooked up eight arrestz n' undertaken a [LIFTED] of rap battles.