Quote: The full list of 2013 Ig Nobel winners:
Medicine Prize:
for assessing the effect of listening to opera on mice heart transplant patients.
Psychology Prize:
for confirming that people who think they are drunk also think they are more attractive.
Joint Prize in Biology and Astronomy:
for discovering that when dung beetles get lost, they can navigate their way home by looking at the milky way.
Safety Engineering Prize:
for inventing an electro-mechanical system to trap airplane hijackers. The system drops a hijacker through trap doors, seals him into a package, then drops the hijacker through the airplane's specially-installed bomb bay doors through which he is parachuted to the ground where police, having been alerted by radio, await his arrival.
Physics Prize:
for discovering that some people would be physically capable of running across the surface of a pond - if those people and that pond were on the Moon.
Chemistry Prize:
for discovering that the biochemical process by which onions make people cry is even more complicated than scientists previously realised.
Archaeology Prize:
for observing how the bones of a swallowed dead shrew dissolve inside the human digestive system.
Peace Prize:
Alexander Lukashenko, president of Belarus, for making it illegal to applaud in public, and to the Belarus State Police, for arresting a one-armed man for applauding.
Probability Prize:
for making two related discoveries: First, that the longer a cow has been lying down, the more likely that cow will soon stand up; and second, that once a cow stands up, you cannot easily predict how soon that cow will lie down again.
Public Health Prize:
for the medical techniques of penile re-attachment after amputations (often by jealous wives). Techniques which they recommend, except in cases where the amputated penis had been partially eaten by a duck. | 
