THE song from the Boots adverts has created an unstoppable strain of demented, screeching harpie, experts claimed last night.


Boots customer Helen Archer transforms herself into a sassy, confident pain in the [LIFTED] arse

New figures show an explosion in female mayhem since the Here Come The Girls advert first aired, with researchers warning the song is transforming normal, annoying women into frenzied, hyper-confident super-cows.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies said: "The song contains resonant frequencies which stimulate the female hypothalamus, causing the neurotransmitters to become overloaded with dopamine. Or to put this another way, it makes them go [LIFTED] mental.

"They become violent and abusive and then cluster in small groups laughing riotously at some secret thing, although from the way they keep looking over it's obviously something to do with you."

He added: "The song effectively short-circuits the tiny, rational part of the female mind, and the results can be at once terrifying, cataclysmic and strangely beautiful.

"It's basically a call to arms and under no circumstances should it be combined with poor quality sparkling wine, which is a bit like feeding gremlins after midnight."

The song has been implicated in the death of a male stripper at a hen night in Hartlepool, who was torn apart with such ferocity that only a severed thumb and a bloodstained fireman's helmet were recovered.

Architect Nikki Hollis said: "I am a professional in charge of a large team responsible for delivering multi-million pound projects to the highest specifications, but when that song comes on I can't stop myself screaming like a randy fox, hitting a random stranger in the face with a shoe and then bursting into tears and pissing in a gutter."

She added: "The best bit is where it goes 'Na na na-na-na-na-na na na-na-na na na'. Just saying it makes me feel all giddy and dangerous."

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Take a look around the site if you haven't seen it before, it's absolutely brilliant

How's that saying go?

'You can take the girl out of the street....'

NEVILLE AND SCHOLES TO SPEND SUMMER CAMPING IN THE MOUNTAINS

MANCHESTER United veterans Gary Neville and Paul Scholes are to spend the summer in a tent.


'If this thing grabs hold of us again... at the wrong place... at the wrong time...'

The team mates have decided to pack their rucksacks, head for a quiet spot on the slopes of Scafell Pike and just see where fate will lead them.

Friends say the England stars are likely to spend their days birdwatching and eating picnics and their nights going at it like a pair of monumentally homosexual rabbits.

The decision was made after their relationship moved to the next level in the dying seconds of the Manchester derby on Saturday.

Following Scholes injury time winner against Man City the midfielder pulled up his shirt to reveal a tattoo depicting himself and Neville as a pair of erotically entwined angels, with the slogan 'up where we belong'.

Neville then licked Scholes on the lips before gathering him in his arms and carrying him off the pitch to the rapturous applause of their ecstatic teammates.

Striker Wayne Rooney said: "Just beautiful and about time too."

But insiders insisted there have been rumours of inter-squad lovemaking at Old Trafford for years.

One sources aid: "Last year the plumber walked into the shower room to encounter a blur of ginger testes, bumfluff moustache and guttural Northern moaning. His hair went white and the very next day he left his wife and kids and went to live on the moors."

Julian Cook, professor of football at Reading University, said: "I'm not sure how this affects the title run-in but what we can say is that from now on when people think of Man United and a quivering, purple arsehole, it won't necessarily be Sir Alex Ferguson."

Just the title screamed gay.

Surely it would be


then