You'd be surprised at the number of asthmatics who smoke! They tend to be the ones who have mild asthma (the ones who have asthmatic attacks tend to give up cigarettes).

I have a friend who smoked lots, and was badly asthmatic. She quit the fags, and her asthma got even worse. Seems the coating of tar she was giving her tubes was helping prevent the irritation... or so she says. Certainly, she was more wheezy and ended up in A&E with her asthma more often as a non-smoker. As a smoker, I don't think she's ever had a big attack.

I have seen the hot needle used on Casualty, but didn't fancy it much. When I trapped my finger, I drilled through the nail with a Dremel.

My Dremel also came in handy when the side of a heavily filled tooth fell off, leaving an awfully sharp edge that was cutting my tongue to ribbons. I put a small grinding wheel on the machine and ground the sharp edge down.

Last, but by no means least, I recently had a skin condition with a few small spots that are apparently often removed by cauterisation. Bring on the soldering iron and away we go.

My other half has numerous skin tags which can be treated by tying off- which we've done with a couple of large ones- or freezing. I had a look at the freezing product available in Boots and it seems to be quite expensive for what you get- about 20 treatments, iirc. I have therefore thought about going to the plumbers' merchants for a can of pipe freezing spray.

OMFG!!
I feel sick, you're a very brave man! Maybe you have a high pain threshold?

or maybe he works in that field

In the first instance, because I only drilled- very carefully- through my nail, it didn't hurt.

Second, believe me, the Dremel in the mouth was infinitely preferable to having my tongue ripped to bits and a lot quicker and cheaper than a trip to the dentist.

The soldering iron bit was a bit painful, but because I was cauterising spots, it was not as bad as I thought it might be.

As for freeze treatment- I've had it for a wart, and it's not bad at all.

I've

• cut my finger down to the bone with a pruning saw and then superglued it - was 30ft down a rock face at the time and the dressings wouldn't hold it.
• skinned about a square inch of my thumb down to the flesh, cleaned, steristripped and dressed it in front of three close-to-fainting women and then driven myself to hospital.
• used a metal file to file down a particularly vicious broken tooth
• used forceps, eyeglass and a mirror to remove sharp remnants of an exploded tooth. It was slightly abcessed so I had to TCP my mouth out after using a solder sucker to drain the abcess.
• used a screwdriver and calf dehorning iron to stop my nose from bleeding - it hurt.

I've put pliers, snips and files in my mouth at one point or the other, but putting a needle, hot or otherwise through my nail is a no no for me. I've never had it administered which may be the biggest hurdle to getting around to doing it myself, but just the thought....

I'm not averse to gore either. The last first aid I gave was to a 4" deep gash to someone's shin.

Have you lot never heard of doctors and dentists? I'm close to fainting just reading about your antics!

Have you ever tried to get emergency appointments with doctors or dentists? The only surefire way to actually get an appointment with my doctor is to go to the surgery and demand a date with menaces. No point calling as the phone line is only answered between 0800 and 0801 on alternate Thursdays.

My dentist is the same - for emergency calls, you are referred to A&E.

I heard accounts of NHS dentists long ago when I was but a boy.

It began with the forging of the new contracts

But the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the pay structure of the NHS has a will of its own. It betrayed the NHS, to its death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the dentistry passed out of all knowledge.

Seriously though, this is the first time in 12 years that I've actually had access to an NHS dentist.

Yeah, Heather, you're right - I need to give my doctors a two week advance notice of wanting an appointment. I meant the term doctor to cover A&E as well, but I know what you mean.

Even so, however desperate I was, I'd think twice before cracking the Dremel out!


Guess I'm just a wuss.

You want to see a doctor quickly then call 999 and request an ambulance. You'll be picked up, transferred to A&E and be seen by a doctor quicker than than a call to your MP to complain about NHS waiting times.

Of course normal and responsible Brits like to do the correct and right thing.

Or get in your car and drive there yourself.

You do NOT get seen any quicker just for being taken in by ambulance, and nothing gives me greater pleasure than wheeling someone who is extracting the urine into the waiting room and leaving them there when they have a condition that could have been dealt with by a quick visit to a pharmacist, for example.

The opposite problem seems to be true in some places. The receptionist is only permitted to give appointments for the next day. If you phone after 08:01 all the appointments will be booked, and they tell you to phone again after 08:00 the next day. This continues until you either win the lottery or die.

I'm guessing it's to keep the waiting list figures down - if they don't let anyone on the list, then the figures are bound to be good. It's almost as if some idiot set arbitrary "targets" or something equally stupid.