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Hello jobseekers!
http://www.x404.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=10151		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  HeatherKay [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:33 am ]
Post subject:  Hello jobseekers!
I'm currently job-hunting, and I've signed up to an online job market thingy. I get it to send me sits vac ads I might be interested in every week. So far, I've applied for several positions, and nothing's turned up in my favour.

Anyway, this one arrived this morning. It's nowhere near my usual sphere of employment, but it obviously hit the spot with some of the search criteria I've set up.

http://www.jobsinkent.com/job349418/details.html

I have a right old giggle at the pretentious language used by this particular agency herbert. Have a read, and tell me if you think he's managed to hit his word count today.

Quote:
This is a full-time, permanent position.


Okay.

Quote:
This role reports to the Managing Director.


The least I'd expect.

Quote:
This role will heavily interface with all elements of the business.


Come again? Does this mean I have to talk to everyone, or that I have to be able to do everyone else's job as well as my own?

Quote:
Manage the marketing team (3.5 staff).


Three-and-a-half staff? Eh? :? :lol:
Author:  timark_uk [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
HeatherKay wrote:
Quote:
Manage the marketing team (3.5 staff).
Three-and-a-half staff? Eh? :? :lol:
Perhaps one's a dwarf?

Mark
Author:  l3v1ck [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
Either a part timer, or a pregnant lady ;)
Author:  HeatherKay [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
timark_uk wrote:
Perhaps one's a dwarf?


Person of restricted stature? Or shortar$e?

I gave up reading that ad after the first 500 words or so.
Author:  HeatherKay [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
l3v1ck wrote:
pregnant lady ;)


I should sincerely hope so.
Author:  timark_uk [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
HeatherKay wrote:
timark_uk wrote:
Perhaps one's a dwarf?
Person of restricted stature? Or shortar$e?
No, a dwarf, possibly a midget.

Mark
Author:  HeatherKay [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
Anyway, I think it's fair to say that the person who wrote that bullcrap is a twit. A frustrated estate agent at the least.
Author:  EddArmitage [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
timark_uk wrote:
Perhaps one's a dwarf?

A lot of midgets tend to kill themselves. A disproportionate amount, actually. Hervé Villechaize off of Fantasy Island. I think somebody from the Time Bandits did. I suppose they must get really sad about like... being really little and that... people looking at them, laughing at them, calling them names. You know, "short arse". There's another famous midget. I miss him but I can't remember. It's not the R2D2 man; no, he's still going. I hope your midget doesn't kill himself. Your dream sequence will be [LIFTED].

(Sorry I'm late, btw)
Author:  ProfessorF [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
EddArmitage wrote:
A lot of midgets tend to kill themselves.


Did you know 6 out of 7 Dwarves aren't Happy?
Author:  timark_uk [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
EddArmitage wrote:
timark_uk wrote:
Perhaps one's a dwarf?
A lot of midgets tend to kill themselves. A disproportionate amount, actually. Hervé Villechaize off of Fantasy Island. I think somebody from the Time Bandits did. I suppose they must get really sad about like... being really little and that... people looking at them, laughing at them, calling them names. You know, "short arse". There's another famous midget. I miss him but I can't remember. It's not the R2D2 man; no, he's still going. I hope your midget doesn't kill himself. Your dream sequence will be [LIFTED].
\•/

Mark
Author:  EddArmitage [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
timark_uk wrote:
EddArmitage wrote:
timark_uk wrote:
Perhaps one's a dwarf?

A lot of midgets tend to kill themselves. A disproportionate amount, actually. Hervé Villechaize off of Fantasy Island. I think somebody from the Time Bandits did. I suppose they must get really sad about like... being really little and that... people looking at them, laughing at them, calling them names. You know, "short arse". There's another famous midget. I miss him but I can't remember. It's not the R2D2 man; no, he's still going. I hope your midget doesn't kill himself. Your dream sequence will be [LIFTED].

\•/

BOOOOO! That's not what follows my bit! I wanted the "Of course you're going to blow your head off" line! (8-p)
Author:  timark_uk [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
EddArmitage wrote:
That's not what follows my bit!
I know that, and you know that, and you know that I know that, I was just really happy to see you came in here and quoted what you did. (8+D

Mark
Author:  EddArmitage [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
timark_uk wrote:
EddArmitage wrote:
That's not what follows my bit!

I know that, and you know that, and you know that I know that, I was just really happy to see you came in here and quoted what you did. (8+D

It didn't quite fit, and I know it wasn't the most classy of thread diversions, but I thought you'd like. And we can be smug because Nick is missing out.
Author:  dogbert10 [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
We have lots of these where I work - everybody is described as an FTE (Full Time Employee), but in some cases you work on more than one project, in which case you become a bit of an FTE. I'm currently 80:20 on two projects, which certainly adds to the variety.
Author:  forquare1 [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Hello jobseekers!
The ads are often amusing, but some of the rejection letters are hilarious. I got turned down from a job for being too honest... :roll:
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