Massively expensive weddings encouraged by a Hello! magazine celebrity culture are putting pressure on marriage, as couples start life together with a large overhang of debt, the work and pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith has warned.

He said debt was now one of the most prominent causes of family breakdown, yet couples were spending the huge sum of £20,000 on average on their marriage.

"It has become apparent that couples will not marry until they can have such a wedding, and some couples will get into debt just to meet the costs," Duncan Smith said at Westminster .

The values of modern society, he said, were being shaped by the behaviour of "film stars, soap stars, pop stars and football stars. What has changed has been the Hello!-style idea that if you get married and can't show yourself in a Hello! light, then somehow you are a bit of a failure."

Hello! magazine is dominated by photo shoots of celebrity weddings.

"Marriage is perhaps the best antidote to the celebrity self-obsessed culture we live in, for it is about understanding that our true value is lastingly expressed through the lives of others we commit to."

"What seems to have been forgotten is that the point of marriage is love, commitment, and creating a safe environment in which to bring up a family."

A wedding need not cost more than the price of a marriage licence, he said.

Duncan Smith also said he was going to ensure marital status was reinstated on more government forms.

Looking to see why marriage has been declining as an institution, he said: "Guidance councillors say that too many young people have an almost fairytale expectation of life after the marriage ceremony.

"This puts huge pressure on newly married couples as too few have time to develop an understanding of the sacrifices needed to make their relationship work before they break up."

David Cameron was still committed to "recognising" marriage in the tax system, he added.

But he acknowledged this will face opposition from the Liberal Democrats who do not wish to be judgmental on how people live their lives. The Conservatives dropped a pre-election policy for a marriage tax break in the face of Lib Dem opposition.

He said the tide was turning against those who opposed any mention of the benefits of marriage, and insisted he was not involved in any finger wagging.

"We do a disservice to society if we ignore the evidence which shows that stable families tend to be associated with better outcomes for children.

"And there are few more powerful tools for promoting stability than the institution of marriage. Indeed, evidence suggests that even the poorest 20% of married couples are more stable than all but the richest 20% of cohabiting couples."

Fiona Weir, chief executive of single parent group Gingerbread, said: "At a time of significant financial hardship, when many families are experiencing poverty, introducing a tax break for marriage would be a shockingly unfair use of government funds.

"Modelling by the Institute for Fiscal Studies shows that this would cost the state at least £1.6bn a year.

"The majority of Britain's 1.9 million single parents were previously married and expected their families to stay intact, and single parents consistently tell us that marriage tax proposals make them feel like second-class citizens."

"These are ordinary mums or dads who provide stable home environments for their families, and they deserve equal treatment, not stigmatisation by government."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/ ... ncan-smith

My mate re-mortgaged the house for his NY wedding

There's no doubt in my mind that we're dumbing down in almost every way, but IDS seems a bit obsessed with the past, and doesn't seem to want to deal with the underlying issues...

Thoughts?

If your stupid enough to spend 20k when you havent got it then you deserve all the pain that amount of debt will cause. Especially as its an unwarrented spend. Fine if you can afford it and you want to waste that amount of money but if you cant just STFU if it comes and bites you on the backside.

A lot of the time it is paid for by the brides father. So daughter gets to bankrupt the family, with "if you love me you will pay for the horse drawn carriage that Katie Price used."

It does not have to be extravagant, make your own cake or get a friend to make one, reception over the pub, or in Maccy D's if you are a chav. It can be done reasonably cheaply if you think it through and keep the wedding list down. Though I suspect that much is because if they invite a load of people they get loads of wedding presents. One girl I know of remarried and used the same wedding list for both weddings even though she still had all the gifts from the first wedding. How mercenary os that?

Though I do know a friend of my parents who remarried and the stipulation was nothing physical. As they both had large well equipped homes before they moved in together. I suggested that they got them tickets for Glyndebourne which went down very well.


On that basis 95% of you are failures already.

Other Half knew someone who was planning a wedding. It was going to be horribly huge, and also very expensive. Church, choir (made up of children from the local school), horse and carriage, flowers, the dress, the jewellery, food, etc., etc., etc.. This planning was going on for at least a year. To us, it sounded hugely excessive

The guy she was supposed to be marrying did a bunk. I can only imagine that the stress caused by the obsessive planning meant that he’d had enough. The relationship stopped being about them and became instead became a subset of The Plan.

He was just an accessory. Did they get insurance on such an event? Some girls can become complete Bridezilla's.

My brother postponed his wedding because it was due to cost him ~£25k.

Mine? £1500.

Wedding insurance seems to expressly exclude payouts in the case of one of the parties not participating.

I must confess that I left most things up to the Wench when it came to planning. Things like flowers and colour schemes meant a lot to her and didn't bother me in the slightest. Things like the evening entertainment and the food did. Ours was below the average (I believe, the inlaws never said how much it was), and it certainly couldn't be described as lacking in luxury.

Wow inflation or demanding girlfriend?

To be perfectly honest I'd be completely content with the ring and a registry office, because the end result is more important than how & where you sign the paper. The other half, of course, already has designs on a £20k+ wedding.

The same reason he bought an iPhone - for show.

In the end it cost him ~£15k I think. And still no dancing girls.

Taronga zoo caters for weddings at a venue that overlooks Sydney harbour and CBD. It is of course expensive and exclusive, and as such the waiting list is so long that there are quite a few women who place a booking even though they don't have a fiance.

Yes but that was your mistake, she was not weeded out by a selection process, before you got too attached.

Yes but if he buys purely for that reason then he deserves to pay for it. I suspect that they will divorce because she goes out of warranty or puts on a few pounds.

I agree with the fact that people are more selfish. They are also more demanding and have high expectations. Celebrities will always have OTT stuff - weddings, birthdays, etc. They can afford to! Everybody else needs to live in the real world.

Having said that, it's supposed to be one of the rites of passage and hence should be celebrated in an appropriate way.


As for marriages not working, I once had a chat with a rather senior patient. She said the marriage worked because there was compromise between the two, but more so on her side. When the husband made a decision which was patently wrong, she'd gently try to steer him in the correct direction. But she kept away from arguing etc and kept silent and steady "by her man". They suffered together but she supported him throughout.

You can interpret this in one of two ways: women know there place and should shut the hell up; behind every (great) man is a woman.

Well not all celebs can afford it. If Hello want to pay you £500 000 to plaster your wedding photos across their rag few would object. While Posh and becks could have afforded it, but having a magazine sponsorship deal they can splurge without any risk.