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oceanicitl
Official forum cat lady
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:04 am Posts: 11039 Location: London
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_________________Still the official cheeky one
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Wed Nov 05, 2014 9:42 am |
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big_D
What's a life?
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 8:25 pm Posts: 10691 Location: Bramsche
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You can tell how old the next one is...
How many Essex girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They only screw in the back of Cortinas.
When I used to work for O'Leary, I had the then definitive list of logic jokes. I think it was over 100 pages back then.
_________________ "Do you know what this is? Hmm? No, I can see you do not. You have that vacant look in your eyes, which says hold my head to your ear, you will hear the sea!" - Londo Molari
Executive Producer No Agenda Show 246
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Wed Nov 05, 2014 2:09 pm |
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oceanicitl
Official forum cat lady
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:04 am Posts: 11039 Location: London
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_________________Still the official cheeky one
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Wed Nov 05, 2014 2:15 pm |
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pcernie
Legend
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm Posts: 45931 Location: Belfast
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Just saw on the news that David James has filed for bankruptcy.
I'm not surprised. He was always [LIFTED] at saving.
_________________Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
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Fri Nov 07, 2014 12:21 am |
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l3v1ck
What's a life?
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:21 am Posts: 12700 Location: The Right Side of the Pennines (metaphorically & geographically)
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That's a bit like..... How many Man Utd fans does it take to chane a light bulb? Four One to change the bulb, one to buy the official Man Utd light bulb changeing programme, one to tell evryone else that no other team's fans could have changed it as well as they did, and one to drive them all back to London after the bulb changing.
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Fri Nov 07, 2014 1:41 am |
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ProfessorF
What's a life?
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:56 pm Posts: 12030
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The inventor of predictive text has died. His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
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Sun Nov 16, 2014 11:43 am |
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oceanicitl
Official forum cat lady
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:04 am Posts: 11039 Location: London
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A young lady from Portsmouth was so depressed that she decided to end it all by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could leap from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia.” "I see," the captain says. Her conscience then got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry."
_________________Still the official cheeky one
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Fri Nov 28, 2014 1:46 pm |
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pcernie
Legend
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm Posts: 45931 Location: Belfast
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Q: What's grey and smells of curry?
A: John Major's knob.
_________________Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
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Fri Nov 28, 2014 10:27 pm |
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John_Vella
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:55 am Posts: 7935 Location: Manchester.
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That was funny... 30 years ago!
_________________John Vella BSc (Hons), PGCE - Still the official forum prankster and crude remarker Sorry I'll behave now. Promise
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Sat Nov 29, 2014 7:36 am |
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pcernie
Legend
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm Posts: 45931 Location: Belfast
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Back when I was two? Funny's funny.
_________________Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
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Sat Nov 29, 2014 9:09 am |
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John_Vella
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:55 am Posts: 7935 Location: Manchester.
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I have to disagree. It's no longer a secret that... well, we all know the events of 1984-1988, and they don't need dredging up again, but it was funny at the time because it was topical. There are too many people who now haven't got a clue who John Major is, and Edwina... "You mean the woman off the jungle?" is how she is known to people of the current generation. A lot of 20 somethings don't even know she was a politician. To me, that joke is about as funny as "Why does Prince Charles have a multi-coloured knob? Because he keeps dipping it in Di" Just saying...
_________________John Vella BSc (Hons), PGCE - Still the official forum prankster and crude remarker Sorry I'll behave now. Promise
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Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:37 am |
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pcernie
Legend
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm Posts: 45931 Location: Belfast
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Your joke's a good example of why it can still be funny - the play on words. Jokes have layers, delivery, timing... We still have jokes about proper historical figures!
_________________Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
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Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:55 am |
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oceanicitl
Official forum cat lady
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:04 am Posts: 11039 Location: London
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Bickering about jokes. That's a new one.
I think there's enough oldies here to know exactly who they are so does it matter?
C
_________________Still the official cheeky one
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Tue Dec 02, 2014 10:19 am |
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Spreadie
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 6:06 pm Posts: 6355 Location: IoW
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Why does Karl Marx hate earl grey?
Because all proper tea is theft.
_________________ Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes; after that, who cares?! He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
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Sat Mar 14, 2015 12:54 am |
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Fogmeister
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:35 pm Posts: 6580 Location: Getting there
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Schroedingers cat walks into a bar and doesn't.
When I was young my teacher asked me to name two pronouns. I replied, "who? Me?"
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Mon Mar 23, 2015 9:34 pm |
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