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finlay666
Spends far too much time on here
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 9:40 pm
Posts: 4876
Location: Newcastle
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I like my women like I like my Italian cruises...
Wet, wrecked and ready to go down
_________________TwitterCharlie Brooker: Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.
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| Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:49 pm |
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steve74
Doesn't have much of a life
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:43 pm
Posts: 1798
Location: Manchester
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*** Joke deleted by SOPA ***
_________________
* Steve *
* Witty statement goes here *
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| Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:14 pm |
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bubbles
Occasionally has a life
Joined: Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:34 pm
Posts: 309
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Antony Worrall Thompson is to host a new show.
Ready, Steady, Run like [LIFTED]!!!
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iam_bored_ok on cpc
panda's are awesome
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| Fri Jan 20, 2012 3:44 pm |
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hifidelity2
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 1:03 pm
Posts: 5041
Location: London
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A man phones his local craft shop and asks "do you have a model of an Italian cruise liner?"
the shop owner replies "yes we have just one left".
“Oh that’s great” says the man "can you put it on one side for me?”
I downloaded the new Italian iBoat app for my iPhone, it just keeps synching (sinking)
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| Fri Jan 20, 2012 4:03 pm |
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steve74
Doesn't have much of a life
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:43 pm
Posts: 1798
Location: Manchester
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Little Billy asked his mother, "Mum, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"
"Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother.
Billy answered, "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the arse off his secretary."
_________________
* Steve *
* Witty statement goes here *
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| Fri Jan 27, 2012 7:28 pm |
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Fogmeister
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:35 pm
Posts: 6580
Location: Getting there
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I was playing chess with a friend and he said, "Let's make this interesting.", so we stopped playing chess. I was walking down the street the other day and the guy hammering on the building site called me a paranoid little weirdo... in morse code. 
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| Tue Feb 07, 2012 1:03 pm |
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Fogmeister
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:35 pm
Posts: 6580
Location: Getting there
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Not so much a joke, more of a fact...
“I never said she stole my money” can have 7 different meanings depending on which word is stressed.
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| Wed Feb 08, 2012 12:44 pm |
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jonbwfc
What's a life?
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:26 pm
Posts: 17040
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An atheist, on a trip to Scotland, falls off a boat into Loch Ness. As he swims back to the surface, he finds he is suddenly faced by a very sharp-toothed and hungry looking Loch Ness Monster.
"God help me!" he cries.
To his astonishment, God appears before him. The deity stares down at the atheist (he is of course standing on the water) and says
" Why should I help you? A minute ago you didn't believe in me!"
The atheist, splashing about in distress, replies
"So what, two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!"
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| Fri Feb 10, 2012 3:28 pm |
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finlay666
Spends far too much time on here
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 9:40 pm
Posts: 4876
Location: Newcastle
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Disgusted with all the horrendous jokes about Whitney Houston's death
It's not right, but it's ok
_________________TwitterCharlie Brooker: Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.
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| Sun Feb 12, 2012 4:25 pm |
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leeds_manc
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 8:19 pm
Posts: 5071
Location: Manchester
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That's the reason irony and sarcasm don't transfer well to writing, word stress if valuable information that it takes a skilful writer to be able to transfer to text properly. It's also why legalese is so difficult to read because it's written in a completely flat tone, dealing with hard facts, completely alien to natural human communication.
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| Sun Feb 12, 2012 4:27 pm |
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lumbthelesser
Occasionally has a life
Joined: Fri May 21, 2010 11:38 pm
Posts: 442
Location: Manchester
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There is one main similarity between the films 'the Sixth Sense' and 'the Titanic'... Icy dead people...
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According to a recent poll, over 70% of Americans don't believe Trump's hair was born in the USA.
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| Sun Feb 12, 2012 5:01 pm |
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John_Vella
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:55 am
Posts: 7935
Location: Manchester.
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Don't forget the similarity between Titanic and Avatar. Lots of dead blue people. _________________John Vella BSc (Hons), PGCE - Still the official forum prankster and crude remarker  Sorry  I'll behave now. Promise 
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| Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:29 am |
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oceanicitl
Official forum cat lady
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:04 am
Posts: 11039
Location: London
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*stolen* _________________Still the official cheeky one
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| Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:29 am |
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lumbthelesser
Occasionally has a life
Joined: Fri May 21, 2010 11:38 pm
Posts: 442
Location: Manchester
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Little poem, perfect for valentines Roses are red Violets are blue Whitney Houston is dead And I will always love you...
_________________
According to a recent poll, over 70% of Americans don't believe Trump's hair was born in the USA.
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| Tue Feb 14, 2012 12:16 am |
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steve74
Doesn't have much of a life
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:43 pm
Posts: 1798
Location: Manchester
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What's six inches long and won't be sucked on this Valentines Day?
Whitney's crack pipe.
_________________
* Steve *
* Witty statement goes here *
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| Tue Feb 14, 2012 9:49 am |
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