The chocolate company - not the planet...

Mars have a promotion to win a free bar running here, but I didn't win, as hard as I tried, so I told them.

Let me know if there's anything else I can add/edit as I want to post it too, at the moment I've just emailed.

Dear Sir/Madam,

As you may well be aware, Mars is currently running its "Win a free bar" promotion in Australia. "Brilliant!" I thought, when I first saw the ad on TV, 1 in 6 bars wins, it said.

Unfortunately, however, and it saddens me to say, this turned out not to be the case. During the last week or maybe ten days I've purchased around 7 or 8 Snickers bar for me and my lovely girlfriend(this isn't one of those moments when she's near and I have to be nice, I do actually think she's lovely. Also it's not that we're fat, it's just that we both like to have some chocolate in the evenings when we watch a film) and none of them have contained a message informing me I've won a free bar; in-fact they've all told me to try again, and I have!

Today it really bothered me, so I took to the local shop to experiment. I thought maybe it was the fact I'd been buying individual bars from different locations that could be causing me a problem; so today I bought 6 bars, at once, from one shop. A big risk (over $16.00); I think you'll agree, but I was sure I'd win at least one bar back.
Looking back it was a bit stupid, I've only eaten one of my 6 so far, god knows I couldn't manage 7 today, even if the lovely lady did manage her usual half a bar helping, but the fact was I wanted to win! (Now they’re all unwrapped) I wanted the rush and excitement the advert had promised me! (It would have been a good conversation starter in the office this afternoon too, now I have to explain why I've got 6 Snickers bars; do you know how humiliating that is? Especially when you didn't win a free bar)

Now I realise that the money I've wasted my employers by writing this letter to you is probably far more than a single Snickers bar, but I just wanted you to know how disappointed I am. In the advert the free bar is presented in game show style, and presented to the winner in what looks like a velvet box, I’m now wondering if this actually happens “in real life” because a free bar really is that hard to win.

In conclusion, I feel it would be appropriate it you put a disclaimer on your adverts informing people that 1 in 6 might win, and that they might not, thus discouraging idiots like myself from buying 6 bars at once in an attempt to win the ever lucrative free bar.

Kind Regards,



PS I’ve handed the spare bars around the office – so everyone else now thinks it’s great, not the guy with the nut allergy though; he mumbled something before collapsing.

Ah, now I'm disappointed.

Sorry - I thought I'd be more likely to get a reply if I wrote to the chocolate company.

I'll change the title if it's too disappointing.

Nice use of humour.

I bet they send you a voucher or two just for giving them a laugh.

Very kind but I'm sure I'll survive.

Hope you get some freebies so you can stuff your little piggy face.

TBH I wouldn't be surprised if you get a retail shop outer of 24 Mars Bars or something.

Good luck

I like the letter!

Imagine the postal fees if it was the planet...


I don't know what the exchange rate is but $16 for 6 bars?! that's a little over $2.50 per bar... sounds expensive.


Just...

Thanks Dave, that was a most excellent post

$16 AUD is about 10 pounds atm.

Thanks Matt. So, that's a little over £1.50 a bar. Still a bit expensive, but having said that chocolate does seem to cost quite a bit more in most of the other places in the world that I've been to.

Or maybe it's just cheaper here...

*Cough*

Your what now??

I think he said his lovely girlfriend. You mean you're not following Mr. Blue on Twitter?

Umm, yeah! Nice letter and all, but this was my first thought too

I am not a twit!!
I barely have time to keep up with real life, Farcebook, this place and the Silli Plaice, let alone adding another layer of rubbish to my time-management system

OK, since you're the second person to mention it and Mr. Blue is probably asleep now, might I suggest that this relationship may still be in it's early days and he didn't want to make any public announcements until they were a little more comfortable with the relationship?

That's my guess for now, but I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing them both the very best... of everything!*

* I couldn't think of a decent way of ending the sentence

Edit to add: Having read Zippys reply... I don't even know how to access this Twitter thing. That was a joke! :etc:

Thanks John, for the guess and also to Zippy for the shock, actually this bit isn't actually factually correct, but I thought it up while I was writing the letter and I thought the bit in brackets added some extra humour.

Well, I wasn't going to admit I eat that many to myself now was I?