JJB Sports, the troubled high street vendor of television watching apparel, has finally dropped the 'Sports' from its name.


'I like to have a rest when I get to the third step'

The company admitted the word simply led to confusion and would only be reinstated if collecting incapacity benefit is included in the 2012 London Olympics.

Brand consultant Tom Logan, backed the move, adding: "Athletic achievement has never been a top priority for their customer base. The most gruelling exercise they get is a round trip from the sofa and back via Greggs and Cash Convertors.

"I know you think I'm being a bastard here, but come on. Yeah?"

The store's new title has yet to be finalised, although the favourites include 'JJB Sits', 'JJB Clothes with Writing On' and the more direct 'Free Cakes Here'.

Logan said: "The store appeals to a diverse demographic including people who do minor cheque book fraud and teenage boys who masturbate over Nuts magazine while fantasising about owning a Vectra with the word 'Turbo' written on the door in marker pen, as well as the congenitally wide and/or hefty."

He added: "You'll notice that I didn't include Linford Christie or Daley Thompson in that list."

Wayne Hayes, a JJB customer who is currently off work with a bad back, said: "I go there once a month to buy jogging trousers. I think jogging is a type of console game where you shoot zombie crabs.

"They have an excellent selection of casual and smart tracksuits. I got a cracking bespoke shell suit with stripes down the side and a logo of two naked birds holding each other by the tits that I wore for my uncle Pete's wedding."

If I were a chav, I'd have the trackies tucked into the socks, a baseball cap on my head, can of lager (wife beater to preceise), walk like a twat and be mouthing off to everyone in sight.

Now nobody can wear sportswear without being accused of being chav anymore. It is hard on us people who actually do sports.

There is a bit of a caveat to that - when you're in the process of doing a sport you are clearly marked out as an impossible candidate for being a chav although running is a grey area, it all depends on whether a copper is chasing you or you're carrying a car stereo

You're unlikely to find a chav in a rugby shirt - it would have required some considerable investment...even "saving".