Craig Ferguson: I'm Here To Help - No you're not. Dire. He was funny when he first appeared, now he's just the housewife's favourite overactor.

Nick Swardson: Seriously, Who Farted? - Not bad at all.

Jim Gaffigan: Beyond The Pale - He's Marmite I'd expect (actually, almost the entire show is about food but I found it funny), but I watched the whole thing, so...

Patton Oswalt: No Reason To Complain - As above, only without the food.

Dane Cook... Who the hell finds that guy funny?

Universal Soldier: The Return - Everything about this film is terrible, but especially the acting and editing. The action was just getting going and I still switched it off.

The Sweeney - Watchable but remarkably dumb... And does anyone actually say 'slaaag' any more?

The first was novel and entertaining. The others were scrapping the bottom of the barrel.

The one before the latest wasn't too bad. Haven't caught the latest one yet.

I will admit that I gave up part way through number 3.

The Liability - It only lasts 1.26 hours and they haven't got much of a story (hitman/cleaner and unwilling sidekick), so all the scenes are just that little bit too loooooonnnngggg. It's also got a young actor who will get on your tits, especially if you've seen him play the same cocky gobsh1te before. Boring and clichéd.

Wolverine - (Fcuk it, I don't get to the cinema enough thought I...) It's just boring. Even the fights. You know those films where there's an action sequence at the start and one at the end, with very little in between? This is one of those. With crap CGI. It reminded me more of sh1tty Bourne Legacy than X-Men or any other superhero film, cos at least they have an idea that the premise is all a bit mad.

Not really a spoiler but I always warn people... The bit in the little village is unintentionally hilarious.

The best bit of this film is the post-credits sequence

Oh, I saw Percy Jackson the other day. Luckily my niece ate too much popcorn and had to leave the cinema to puke. That is all the review it requires.

The Wee Man - Scottish gangster thing, seemed really simplistic, you could tell what was gonna happen two minutes before it did... I say 'seemed', it was a rental disc and it was dropping frames. Probably for the best

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning - Actually unwatchable! Somebody decided that what a Unisol film really needed was to go arthouse, and this means slightly weird musical cues, HEAVY strobe lighting (in all seriousness, this film should probably have a warning), first person views... Shocking.

RED 2

I thoroughly enjoyed RED 2. If you saw and liked the first one then this is definitely worth a watch.
Anthony Hopkins is very good and clearly having a ball and I think its fair to say the rest of the cast were as well.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Gotti-The-Mob-B ... B004ZJYEGS

Has some of the worst acting you'll ever see. Also, apparently the mob's macho men discuss their business in nail parlours and spend an awful lot of time walking across rooftops in big groups. In slow motion.

Even the opening 'getting made' scene is laughable.

She-Ra: Secrets of the Sword - The five initial episodes of the show merged to form a film. It's not bad for what it is, and it actually deviates from the stock sort of dialogue and animation that He-Man was known for quite a bit. The commentary track is actually quite interesting for once!

I'd totally forgotten how awful Hordak's transformations were though

GI Joe 2 - Incredibly well made, but I'd heavily suspect it had filming issues; it all feels a bit stitched together towards the end. Still, if it comes your way, get blitzed and you'll absolutely love this dumb load of sh1t.