this is in the Daily Telegraph

It’s a bit early for Iceland volcano jokes. We should wait awhile for the dust to settle.

I see that America has declared war on Iceland. Apparently they are accusing them of harbouring a “weapon of ash eruption”.

It was the last wish of the Icelandic economy that its ashes be spread over Europe.

Iceland goes bankrupt, then it manages to set itself on fire. This has insurance scam written all over it.

Iceland, we wanted your cash, not your ash.

Waiter, there's volcanic ash in my soup. I know, it's a no-fly zone.

Richard Curtis is working on a new rom-com about people stuck in an airport who fall in love. The working title is "Lava Actually".

I came out my house yesterday and was hit on the head by a bag of frozen sausages, a chocolate gateau and some fish fingers. I realised it must be the fallout from Iceland.

Volcano in Iceland. What next Earthquake in Asda?

Woke this morning to find every surface in the house covered in a layer of dust and a foul stench of sulphur in the air. No change, I’ve been married to that bone-idle slob for 20 years