Abul Ala Maududi is supposed to be a "radical Muslim", but just how radical is he?
I mean, has anybody seen him on a skateboard?

If skinny people go skinny dipping do fat people go chunky dunking?

So there's this baby seal, and it walks into a club...

You know the old saying...

"You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. Unless you're ginger, then you can't choose any friends."

I take it you found sickipedia?

Yet failed to find the edit button it seems

Yes.

How about next time you just copy and paste all of the jokes into Notepad* and then put the whole damn lot of them into one post?

* Other text editors are available.

How sensible. Now, get out!

Derrick Bird 12 for 1

Thats some mad COD skills he had going on right there...

Whats pink and red and goes around about 100mph?

A baby in a blender

It's a woman's 50th birthday, so she goes shopping to prepare for her birthday party.

First she goes into the Baker's. She says "right, I'll need a big cake covered in icing, and two dozen small cream cakes and some profriteroles please".
The man behind the counter says "hmmm, this must be for a special occasion".
The woman replies "yes, it's my birthday! I bet you can't guess how old I am!".
The man looks her up and down and says "you're 40".
The woman smiles and says "no, I'm 50!".
The man says "well I would never have thought that!".
The woman gets her things and carries on with her shopping.

Next stop is the card shop.
The woman says "right, I'll need 2 packs of balloons, some streamers and some party-poppers please".
The man behind the counter says "hmmm, this must be for a special occasion".
The woman replies "yes, it's my birthday! I bet you can't guess how old I am!".
The man looks her up and down and says "you're 45".
The woman smiles and says "no, I'm 50!".
The man says "well I would never have thought that!".
The woman gets her things and carries on with her shopping.

Her final stop is the Butchers.
The woman says "right, I'll need about a dozen pieces of fillet steak, some of that foie gras and a full rack of lamb please".
The butcher says "hmmm, this must be for a special occasion".
The woman replies "yes, it's my birthday! I bet you can't guess how old I am!".
The butcher says "ok, let's see".
He comes from behind the counter and walks up to the woman. He feels her breasts, giving them a good squeeze. Then he puts his hand down the woman's skirt, into her knickers, and has a feel. Finally, he brings his hand back out and sniffs his fingers, and then tastes her womanly juices.
He says "you're 50".
She says "that's amazing, how did you know?"
He said "I was stood behind you in the Bakers".

There are three types of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who cant.

1976 Robert de niro taxi Driver - 3 oscars, 2 emmys
2010: Derrick Bird, Taxi Driver - 1 oscar, 3 tonys, 2 emmys, 1 gary, 2 janes, a mark and 2 billys.

The Vatican is to start printing a Catholic edition of Playboy.
It still has a center fold, but you have to pull it out just at the right moment.