Bugger

Couldn't have put it better...

Thanks all for your thoughts.



Sadly, she was talking herself into that scenario when we (myself and other half, whose family has had experience in this area a few times before) were there. However we more we tried to explain that there wasn’t any kind of plot, but as we tried so she went further into a spiral. I am wholly inexperienced in this matter - and I felt that there was no way to beak the cycle of enquiry. The pattern went a bit like this:

General conversation -> start of conspiracy theory -> general conversation -> more conspiracy -> general conversation -> deeper conspiracy -> conversation -> conspiracy develops -> conspiracy gets deeper -> and so on

My, and my mum (and no doubt my sister and others) need to know how to handle this and how to break the cycle (if it can be broken), and (and I hate to say this) how to get away before it gets too bad. It seems that my presence there was causing more problems.

I’ll ask my mum about talking to her case worker about this. Being the closest person geographically to her, I’m now “front line” - voluntary visits notwithstanding, if a need arises for a family member to be on site urgently, I’ll be the one.

I need to research this some more - any suggestions about this would be helpful.

I may have missed bits but I presume that:

1. She's been seen by her GP at some point with this mental decline?
2. she's been seen by a specialist and maybe started on medication to reduce the decline?

1 - Yes - the GP is on the case with this, and has been from the start. He noticed it and alerted my mum as a possible problem at the beginning of the year.

2 - She’s getting assessed by the mental health people from the hospital in the next week or so. There were problems with where she lives - it was being refurbished and they felt that that this could affect the results. Now that things are back to normal there, they can get back on track.

In the meantime, she’s visited by people from the hospital 3 or 4 times a day to keep track on her, food, current medication etc.. Things are in hand.

Glad to hear she's being looked after Paul.

My Dad is in a bad way and won't recover and it's horrible to see but unfortunately part of life as people get older and sick so I know what it's like. It also happened to my ow Grandma and I try and remember the good times when she was fit and well.

C

Got some hurried texts from my mum today - apparently grandma is likely to be sectioned today. She was on her way to the hospital earlier today. What is frustrating is that all of this is happening at my local hospital, and my offers to go over for support etc. have not been taken up. I have to sit and wait for information to come through.

Given what has happened over the bank holiday weekend, I should not really be surprised.

Well, it’s all gone through. I’ve been given a picture of what’s happened by my sister who’s been talking to my mum (who is in no state to talk much at the moment as you can imagine). Grandma’s in hospital - not the closest one to her home, but one further away due to space issues. I doubt very much that she will be allowed back to her flat now.

Mum & Dad are at the country retreat - which is probably the best place for them. Mum will need space and quiet to defuse.

Sorry to hear this. It's one of those things you hope doesn't happen but deep down you know there's a good chance.

Remember to give yourself time to deal with it all as well mate.

I know this can only get worse. My other half’s family are old hands at this, so know the score - they’ve said that it can get weird and ugly.

The deterioration is fast - shockingly fast. Even three weeks ago she was not this bad. In January, we were able to talk to her normally.

She is in the care of people who should know how to deal with this kind of problem. For that we have to be grateful.

I will. Right now, me and my sister are concerned for my parents. My mum is dealing with this straight after having to cope with my dad’s illness and recovery. Just as things started to look up for them, this happens. My dad is, well, having to cope.

I’m “front line”, being the closest family member to the epicentre, with my sister being further away than my parents live. So it’s my job to hold them together while they are out here. I’ll have to play this by ear over the next few days and see what’s needed.

Latest in the saga. Grandma has been moved to a more local hospital, and the sectioning order has been lifted. Her anxieties seem to have settled down, and there is now as needed medication which helps keep her calm.

The hospital move, which surprised the social worker/psychiatric nurse (same person doing two jobs - probably due to cuts). The local hospital wants her out asap, which is not how things were before the move. Anyway, tomorrow myself and my family are doing a tour of nursing/care homes because she needs to be in one fast, and places go quickly. There are a couple (one local to me, one a bit further away) which seem to offer the kind of care needed. It’s another move for grandma, who will be wanting to go home. Sadly, that won’t happen now.

Hopefully by the end of the week, things will have been sorted out. She’ll be in a new place, we’ll have moved some of her things to where she’s going to be and pondering what to do with the rest of her stuff.

I feel for you had the same happen with my gran , I keep a picture of her in my filofax i know it dosent mean much but gran is with me every day .

I feel for you and your family.

As for care homes, I'm sad to say that appearances aren't all that. There's a care home near work. Two buildings - one residential, the other nursing home. Both are very posh. When you go inside, you get the feeling of a five star hotel. Beautiful lobby. Swooping spiral staircases with traditional artwork on the walls. Everything has a classy touch. Your room is heralded with your name engraved on a gold plaque mounted on a carved wooden base. Charges around £250,000 per year from what I hear.

Yet it's run abysmally. People are suffering. Good nurses are axed over the tiniest mistake, caused by stress due to the fact they are overworked. Consequently there is no continuity of care. The patients last longer than the staff! Cutbacks mean it is poorly run.

If you can in some way ask (compis mentis) residents what they think of the place, do so. If you can go during visiting time, ask the residents' relatives.

Ask about who provides medical cover, how long they have provided it for, whether there are regular ward rounds or are they seen when a nurse thinks they need to be seen. How do you put plans in place for longterm future eg resuscitation status, end of life care. There's so much to find out.