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MrStevenRogers
Spends far too much time on here
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:44 pm
Posts: 4860
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 Dear people of the United Kingdom
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, Parliament has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE.
(Retire Aged People Early)
Persons selected for RAPE can apply, if eligible, for the SHAFT scheme.
(Special Help After Forced Termination)
Persons who have been RAPED and then SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program.
(Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers)
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice, after appeal, and SCREWED as many times as Parliament deems appropriate.
Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS
(Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse)
or HERPES.
(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance)
Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Parliament.
Persons who are ineligible for RAPE but are remaining on the job, will receive as much $HIT as possible.
(Special High Intensity Training)
Parliament has always prided itself on the amount of $HIT it can give out.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough $HIT, please bring this to the attention of your local MP.
All MP's have been fully trained to give you all the $HIT you can handle.
Sincerely
Parliament
Palace of Westminster
_________________
Hope this helps . . . Steve ...
Nothing known travels faster than light, except bad news ...
HP Pavilion 24" AiO. Ryzen7u. 32GB/1TB M2. Windows 11 Home ...
Last edited by MrStevenRogers on Thu Jun 04, 2009 1:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 12:56 am |
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brataccas
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 9:14 pm
Posts: 5664
Location: Scotland
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WTF? ive googled those schemes and it didnt come up with any valid results  _________________
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 1:13 am |
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finlay666
Spends far too much time on here
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 9:40 pm
Posts: 4876
Location: Newcastle
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_________________TwitterCharlie Brooker: Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:18 am |
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big_D
What's a life?
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 8:25 pm
Posts: 10691
Location: Bramsche
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_________________
"Do you know what this is? Hmm? No, I can see you do not. You have that vacant look in your eyes, which says hold my head to your ear, you will hear the sea!" - Londo Molari
Executive Producer No Agenda Show 246
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:18 am |
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Zippy
Spends far too much time on here
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 6:20 pm
Posts: 3838
Location: Here Abouts
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_________________The Official "Saucy Minx"  This above all: To Thine Own Self Be True "Red sky at night, Shepherds Delight"..Which is a bit like Shepherds Pie, but with whipped topping instead of mashed potato.
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:48 am |
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oceanicitl
Official forum cat lady
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:04 am
Posts: 11039
Location: London
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_________________Still the official cheeky one
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:04 am |
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saspro
Site Admin
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 5:53 pm
Posts: 8603
Location: location, location
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After forwarding that to a couple of people at work we now need 3 new laptops as they have coffee in them
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:34 am |
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John_Vella
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:55 am
Posts: 7935
Location: Manchester.
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_________________John Vella BSc (Hons), PGCE - Still the official forum prankster and crude remarker  Sorry  I'll behave now. Promise
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:37 am |
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saspro
Site Admin
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 5:53 pm
Posts: 8603
Location: location, location
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For the benefit of Bratty, heres a link to the schemes clicky
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:39 am |
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MrStevenRogers
Spends far too much time on here
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:44 pm
Posts: 4860
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now that did make me chuckle …  …
_________________
Hope this helps . . . Steve ...
Nothing known travels faster than light, except bad news ...
HP Pavilion 24" AiO. Ryzen7u. 32GB/1TB M2. Windows 11 Home ...
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:48 am |
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big_D
What's a life?
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 8:25 pm
Posts: 10691
Location: Bramsche
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Classic, the first time I've actually approved of a tiny url 
_________________
"Do you know what this is? Hmm? No, I can see you do not. You have that vacant look in your eyes, which says hold my head to your ear, you will hear the sea!" - Londo Molari
Executive Producer No Agenda Show 246
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 11:30 am |
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saspro
Site Admin
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 5:53 pm
Posts: 8603
Location: location, location
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Thanks to JV for the heads up
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 11:43 am |
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John_Vella
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:55 am
Posts: 7935
Location: Manchester.
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It's nice to know that I'm good for something, even if it is only advising others how to be a bit sillier _________________John Vella BSc (Hons), PGCE - Still the official forum prankster and crude remarker Sorry I'll behave now. Promise
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 11:59 am |
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saspro
Site Admin
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 5:53 pm
Posts: 8603
Location: location, location
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Nice to see the art of sarcasm isn't lost on you bratty
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:43 pm |
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Tsar
Doesn't have much of a life
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 9:07 pm
Posts: 573
Location: Sunny Hastings
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_________________ Gaming's Elder Statesman & Evil Consultant
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| Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:51 pm |
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