Well she liked the flowers but doesn't want to be in a relationship

So looks like my search continues.

It was worth a try.

I'd rather know it was a no, than torture myself for never asking. Not to diminish the courage it took to try - I can clearly remember being frikkin hopeless at approaching any woman I was fond of. Speaking to girls on a night out? No problem. Asking out someone I knew? Whole other kettle of fish.

.. and the movies make it look so easy....

+1

I once asked out a girl at work.

She was seeing someone else (I had checked her FB status which didn't say in a relationship).

However, she was nice about it and it felt a lot better to have asked than not.

Yes but in real life there is less chance that she will be a CIA assassin "lying low"

Sad to hear that. I wish you better luck in the future...

Everyone's been very positive in their encouragement of your chosen course of action, but can I be the asshole to rain on your parade with some realism and share my experience......?

Buying flowers is too much too soon. Cheaper and easier to just ask her out. If you do it in a relaxed way and don't make it a big deal, she's likely to say yes. If you make her laugh a little whilst doing it, even better.

I'm listening to her language and proposing this:

Asking her for a coffee/tea or to do something fun, is light-hearted and doesn't necessarily mean anything. Most women (unless they actively dislike you, are already with someone, or are just dickheads/in a mood) will agree to this. There's no commitment involved and it's easy for everybody.

Buying her flowers sends a clear message that you're looking for a relationship (whether you intended that or not) and her response of "I'm not looking for a relationship" is indicative of her reading the situation in that way. It's also a classic cop-out that women peddle a lot (and men to be fair) to achieve a quick brush off of somebody they're not initially interested in.

When asking a woman to have a coffee with you, you don't immediately put yourself in the "potential-boyfriend" box and therefore her guard doesn't always go up immediately. This allows you the short period of time over the drink to see if there's anything further in it. But you've both eased into that.

In my humble opinion, everybody telling you to take action was right, but the flowers thing was wrong. Just sharing my perspective. Hope that makes sense. And if any of the girls read this, hit me - agree or disagree....

I think I agree with you.

I think flowers might have been a tad overkill, but doing it the other way leaves you massively open to ending up in the friend zone.

There are no rules.

Thanks Heather.



It's all about what you do with the coffee time and in the time immediately after that. But to paraphrase Josh Lyman from the West Wing when talking to Presidential hopeful Congressman Matthew Santos - "Let's get you elected first....."

Sorry to hear that.

You forgot the hidden chloroform mister, triggered by her leaning in to sniff the blooms, didn't you?
And I imagine you're feeling very silly with your top hat and cape; your fine waxed moustache shall have to go untwiddled.

I just took a risk off the back of this thread.

I think it may be paying off

Going for drinks tonight

Hope you have better luck

O and Okinobi - If I ever need to feel depressed I'll remember to give you a call.