I went to the fair the other day and they had one of those things that you have to punch as hard as you can.
A gypsy.

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British Grenadier selling regimental ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £10."

The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need."

"Inshallah."

Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped -
"They won't let me in without a tie!"

Dark one, this...

Freddie Starr's alleged victim has said she'll write a book - Freddie Starr Ate My Kitty.

My boss pulled up in the work car park in an awesome new car - I complimented him on it and he said:
"Well, if you set goals, you're determined, you work really hard, and put in the long hours, I can afford an even better one next year."

My black mate finally snapped at me today. "I'm sick of your little jokes & digs, being black makes no difference, I can do everything you can do, & do it just as well as you, if not better"...



"Ok", I replied... "Grow a fringe".

Or walk through London without getting stopped by the police.

George Michael was telling his friend he'd crashed the car again.

'Christ, George, what gear were you in?'

'A see-through top and leather trousers.' replied George.

After his 24-mile freefall, Felix Baumgartner phoned the Guinness Book of Records to claim his place as the first man to fall faster than the speed of sound.

But after speaking on the phone for a moment, he turned to his wife and asked: 'Who is Audley Harrison?' (via Frank warren)

Told 2 of my black friends at work and they thought it was hysterical.

Walking through town yesterday my girlfriend saw a rather overweight couple kissing, so she poked me and asked me if I'd ever been out with a fat girl before

"No, you're the first" probably wasn't the right answer...

love it!

"Jimmy Saville's family have removed his headstone and all the flowers. So that just leaves a small hole and no bush.

It's just what Jimmy would have wanted."

Ohhh, dear, oh dear!!