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Fogmeister
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:35 pm
Posts: 6580
Location: Getting there
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Helium walks into a bar and the barman say "we do t server noble gases in hear".
He doesn't react.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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| Mon Mar 23, 2015 9:35 pm |
 
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Blue_Nowhere
Spends far too much time on here
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 8:57 pm
Posts: 2220
Location: Here for now...
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My friends so pessimistic that if there was an olympics for pessimism....he wouldn't fancy his chances.
I took part in the suntanning olympics last summer.....I got bronze.
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| Tue Mar 24, 2015 10:30 am |
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John_Vella
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:55 am
Posts: 7935
Location: Manchester.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear  Sent from my big ass Sony Xperia Z Ultra tabphonelet, using Tapatalk 4. _________________John Vella BSc (Hons), PGCE - Still the official forum prankster and crude remarker  Sorry  I'll behave now. Promise 
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| Wed Apr 15, 2015 5:34 pm |
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pcernie
Legend
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm
Posts: 45931
Location: Belfast
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Surprise at the first Tory cabinet meeting that there's three empty seats. Turns out David Cameron has sacked Grant Shapps...
_________________Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
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| Thu May 14, 2015 10:33 pm |
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steve74
Doesn't have much of a life
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:43 pm
Posts: 1798
Location: Manchester
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A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant, and order the 'Chicken Surprise'.
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around, before the lid slams back down.
'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband.
He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises and he sees two little eyes, looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'
The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise'
'Ah! So sorry, my mistake,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck'
_________________
* Steve *
* Witty statement goes here *
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| Sun May 17, 2015 12:13 pm |
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pcernie
Legend
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm
Posts: 45931
Location: Belfast
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RIP Professor John Nash.
He's with the angles now.
_________________Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
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| Thu May 28, 2015 10:44 pm |
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John_Vella
I haven't seen my friends in so long
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 7:55 am
Posts: 7935
Location: Manchester.
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Here's a John Vella original for you... Last night, my daughter was nagging... "I want an iPad" "I want an iPhone" "I want a Macbook" "Listen" I said, "Apples don't grow on trees, you know" _________________John Vella BSc (Hons), PGCE - Still the official forum prankster and crude remarker Sorry I'll behave now. Promise
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| Wed Jun 03, 2015 8:17 am |
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oceanicitl
Official forum cat lady
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:04 am
Posts: 11039
Location: London
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_________________Still the official cheeky one
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| Wed Jun 03, 2015 1:16 pm |
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pcernie
Legend
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm
Posts: 45931
Location: Belfast
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It was bad but it wasn't a shooting offence _________________Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
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| Wed Jun 03, 2015 3:58 pm |
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oceanicitl
Official forum cat lady
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:04 am
Posts: 11039
Location: London
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_________________Still the official cheeky one
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| Wed Jun 03, 2015 4:04 pm |
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pcernie
Legend
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:30 pm
Posts: 45931
Location: Belfast
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Don't worry, I remember Basil _________________Plain English advice on everything money, purchase and service related:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
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| Wed Jun 03, 2015 4:14 pm |
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oceanicitl
Official forum cat lady
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 8:04 am
Posts: 11039
Location: London
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But I thought you were 15??  _________________Still the official cheeky one
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| Wed Jun 03, 2015 4:29 pm |
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RichardLucas
Has a life
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:21 pm
Posts: 91
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The Fifa president, secretary general and communications director are all travelling in a car. Who's driving?
The police.
Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk
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| Thu Jun 11, 2015 7:04 pm |
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ProfessorF
What's a life?
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:56 pm
Posts: 12030
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So we're doing a new stage-based theatrical adaptation of the dictionary at work.
It's a play on words.
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| Thu Jun 11, 2015 8:52 pm |
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ProfessorF
What's a life?
Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:56 pm
Posts: 12030
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"So how's life in North Korea?"
"Well I can't complain."
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| Thu Jun 11, 2015 10:38 pm |
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