Mark, that is extremely well thought out, interesting and much appreciated. Thanks.

As to the fundamentals of the bigger question, you're then of the opinion that the innate need to form pair bonds is not a "need", just something most people want?

Despite my individual circumstances at the present moment, this thread was titled so because separating my brain from my emotions, I'm genuinely interested in what the consensus is on the topic.



This is fascinating AND has a pretty lady in it. Thanks for sharing!

It also means that I need to consider the age of any potential future lady friends, which is good information in the light of advice received from several older gentleman in my life (both Italian and English).

I've been alone over half my life - alone in this sense meaning not being romantically involved with anyone, If I felt the need to be with someone, then that previous statement wouldn't be the case.
The people I have shared intimate moments with - and I'm not just talking sexually, intimacy covers a whole spectrum of situations - those are people I have wanted to be with, and who wanted to be with me.
So, to answer your question, yeah, I think it's something that I want, not need.
Being with someone, sharing lives, is something I choose to do, saying we need to be with someone is removing choice, making it necessary and not something that you want to do, but something you have to do.
That's the way I see it anyway. *shrug*
That's not to say what's right for me isn't wrong for you or anyone else.

Mark

I'm going to put my 2 pennies in... I think if you have people in your life that you can say anything to, who accept you for who you are and love you for your good points and your faults that goes a long way to fulfilling you whether you are in a romantic and sexual relaionship with someone or not.

Of course for some people it is just about sex.

And I think it's sad when you push those relationships aside when you do have someone special in your life. My ex was a very difficult man and that made it hard for me to see friends as often as I wanted. One of the joys I've had of being single again is being able to reconnect with those people I love. Of course some people never left my side. You know who you are

One thing that constantly astounds me are those people who can roll from one relationship right into another.
I can't keep anything going for longer than a month, then there's a huge gap before I'll meet someone else.
I know three people who've divorced and found someone within weeks - and these have lasted longer than you'd think, so I'm not sure it's 'just a rebound' thing happening.

Some people just don't like being on their own.

Yeah, but how the [LIFTED] do they find the next one?! People like the Prof and I take [LIFTED] ages...

I used online dating.

Mark

A friend of mine used online dating, he ended up with a woman with borderline personality disorder... It didn't put him off though, he couldn't bear to be alone.

Me on the other hand, I was picked up by a woman in a bar who had borderline personality disorder, that put me off dating for nearly a decade - or rather it took the best part of a decade to put my life back together again.

Confidence.
Believe in yourself, remember how awesome you are, stop going out looking for someone on a night out, be yourself and talk to women like they're people.

Some people have found them before they have finished with the previous person

All of which I'm more than capable of doing normally. Otherwise how did I find all the previous women in my life?! In the wake of a tough breakup, I defy anyone not to lose that for a while...

The point that Prof and I are making is referring to how some people (particularly women) seem to be able to move on immediately with no pause for reflection or heartbreak. I wonder if they ever feel as deeply as I do when I'm committed. I also question where they're able to find people with which to do this. I suppose the obvious answer has to be Facebook/WhatsApp/Tinder etc.

Caz also makes a valid and sad point which apparently 85% of people have experienced on one end or the other.



This is also something I agree with, but am lacking in my post-breakup, no-longer-Italian world.

A lot of relationships are "dead" before they're actually officially over.
People are just either going through the motions because it's convenient or because they'd rather be in a relationship than be alone.

If that's the case then moving on is a lot easier than if the relationship ends suddenly as you've already had the "mourning phase".

It's rare that both parties know something isn't right in a relationship and mutually agree it's over (as if this is the case you know each other very well and won't get to that stage) so one party is always going to hit a slump afterwards whilst the other seems to be fine moving straight on.

believed id be single all my life and accepted it randomly met an american off a NON dating chatroom site, true what they say, it happans when you least expect it and not trying, and learnt to be yourself 100%

Been doing that for like the last 18 years. I have a lot of female friends. Spent the evening in the pub with 5 of them in fact. </friendzone>
It does happen when you least expect it, and usually, I've found, with the person you're not that into.

is it possible any potential females are warded off slightly at the sight of all your female friends? they might be led to believe 1 of them is already ur gf etc, assumptions or maybe they think youre a pimp in the extreme case

u should be able to get a gf quite easily as judging by your posts youre not a bad lad