But think how much you will save over the years with joint xmas & birthday presents!!

Oh and people born on Christmas are suppose to become vampires according to superstition.

What a random and vaguely disturbing thing to say to a father-to-be

My Dad skipped his dinner and ended up waiting up til gone 0300 for me to show up. I've been a chronic procrastinator all my life

Does sound like the sort of thing that Bratty would say...

Chronic procrastinator? You can get tablets for that, can't you?

Th is coming from someone whos considered electrocuting his children

No... "considered" is past tense, which would mean that I am no longer considering it...

You mean you actually have electrocuted your children?

Two answers spring to mind...

1. Not on purpose!

2. Not yet, but it is still under consideration.

You can choose which one you prefer...

Life didn't begin well for John Vella, he was born after a 60 hour labour, came out backwards and was so ugly that the Doctor slapped his mother. Little Johns childhood was marred by his assertion that he was the greatest of all human beings and was therefore, "Very Funny". After several "Everybody Hates Chris" incidents of telling rude jokes at family gatherings, his parents tried to brick him into his bedroom late one night, however nothing could stop his megalomania and his joke-telling got him progressively more serious beatings and flushings as he moved through school.

Eventually, aged 13, John had that "Eureka" moment that touches most young lives, when he realised that his talents really lay more in the direction of smutty double entendre, since then John has never looked back, his skills now allow him to snort in glee at the most banal of comment, and his adulthood has been tinged with a hint of the insane. After a brief brush with homosexuality, he found a poor, but beautiful lady, to whom he promised wealth and happiness if she could but look past his disfiguring sense of humour, she agreed on the proviso that she could wear earplugs whenever he spoke. John and his new wife quickly moved up the ranks of 'family' with the arrival of the firstborn, unfortunately, the poor child was psychologically incapable of withstanding the onslaught of his father, and all of his children have since had to be raised entirely by Mrs V, in seclusion for much of their lives.

Recently, having spent more time picking his nose than he has actively being a father, John has taken more of a turn towards family, taking an interest in his wifes recent brush with death, although only from a point of view of the jokes he could write as a result. However, tragically, thrown together with their father for the first time in their young lives, his children have all sworn to celibacy, his daughter is considering holy orders and all have agreed that the genes need spread no further. Their lives blighted by the DNA of their wayward father, who still enjoys pulling the wings off pigeons and dancing naked in the sunshine, their suffering shall not be in vain, for the "Vella Strain" appears to have been stopped in its tracks

Hmmm. there's only one way you could possibly have known all of that...

Are you my mummy? </random Dr. Who quote>



As a point of interest was that copied and pasted or did you think it up and if so how long did it take?

I made it up as I typed it, took about 5 minutes

You sure you made this bit up?



Have seen it lots on the 'Yo So Ugly' sites

erm well I think its a tiny bit weird but dunno, I tried to see if the girl that "likes" me was at the youth club on friday but she was'nt and the staff always say she was in earlier which is annoying so one offered to text her to ask if it would be ok if she would pass on my mobile number but I refused as it might be intruding, or I fear the rejection a little bit what a mess

You've got 'the fear' dude. Stop worrying about rejection. Whats the worst that can happen if she says no? Nothing! Whats the best that can happen if she says yes though?